Living Resiliently

Resilience

What is it? Resilience can be viewed in many different ways but ultimately it is the ability to thrive in life and to call on inner strengths in times of challenge to grow and change.

Lyn Worsley describes resilient responses:

- Recovery - ability to recover quickly and to bounce back to how they were before adversity.
- Sustainability - sustaining life patterns and maintaining positive relationships while simultaneously managing some kind of trauma.
- Post-traumatic growth - personal growth, new insights leading to an enhanced ability to adapt*

I am - self concept

- I am likeable
- I am caring and considerate
- I am respectful
- I am responsible
- I am positive and optimistic

I have - social resources

- People around me
- People I'm accountable to
- Role models
- People who help me

I can - self efficacy

- I can talk to others about my concerns
- I can find ways to solve problems I face
- I can control myself
- I can figure out a good time to talk or take action
- I can find someone to help*

Areas of life that help build resilience

What is going well - do more of it.

Tough stuff happens

People in the Bible who show resilience despite difficult situations

Caleb

Began in Egypt in slavery - freed from slavery during the exodus

Was chosen to go in and spy out the land - glowing report and faith on God.

Due to the behavior of others wandered 40 years in the wilderness, then fought to gain the land.

Then said - now i will take what I've been promised.

What qualities helped him in this process to be resilient - to bounce back after incredible disappointment and hardship?

Numbers 13:30 NLT
But Caleb tried to quiet the people as they stood before Moses. "Let's go at once to take the land," he said. "We can certainly conquer it!"

Numbers 14:6-10 NLT
Two of the men who had explored the land, Joshua son of Nun and Caleb son of Jephunneh, tore their clothing. [7] They said to all the people of Israel, "The land we traveled through and explored is a wonderful land! [8] And if the LORD is pleased with us, he will bring us safely into that land and give it to us. It is a rich land flowing with milk and honey. [9] Do not rebel against the LORD, and don't be afraid of the people of the land. They are only helpless prey to us! They have no protection, but the LORD is with us! Don't be afraid of them!" [10] But the whole community began to talk about stoning Joshua and Caleb. Then the glorious presence of the LORD appeared to all the Israelites at the Tabernacle.

Faith - the Lord is with us - faith community

Joshua and Caleb were the kinds of leaders who saw that the land they explored was “exceedingly good” (v. 7, niv, niv). But the other men saw only giants and obstacles and were filled with fear. Joshua and Caleb saw the possibilities, but the others spread a bad report. Ask the Lord to help you to look up and keep your focus on him—and to not miss the beautiful things along the way*.

The faith dynamic allowed Caleb to see the situation differently. The giants were still there but his faith enabled him to focus on God's promise instead of the circumstances.

We see this again when he goes to take Hebron. This land had some of the strongest people, but drawing on faith in God and his promise he rose to the challenge.

Numbers 14:24 NLT
But my servant Caleb has a different attitude than the others have. He has remained loyal to me, so I will bring him into the land he explored. His descendants will possess their full share of that land.

Joshua 14:6-15 NLT
A delegation from the tribe of Judah, led by Caleb son of Jephunneh the Kenizzite, came to Joshua at Gilgal. Caleb said to Joshua, "Remember what the LORD said to Moses, the man of God, about you and me when we were at Kadesh-barnea. [7] I was forty years old when Moses, the servant of the LORD, sent me from Kadesh-barnea to explore the land of Canaan. I returned and gave an honest report, [8] but my brothers who went with me frightened the people from entering the Promised Land. For my part, I wholeheartedly followed the LORD my God. [9] So that day Moses solemnly promised me, 'The land of Canaan on which you were just walking will be your grant of land and that of your descendants forever, because you wholeheartedly followed the LORD my God.' [10] "Now, as you can see, the LORD has kept me alive and well as he promised for all these forty-five years since Moses made this promise-even while Israel wandered in the wilderness. Today I am eighty-five years old. [11] I am as strong now as I was when Moses sent me on that journey, and I can still travel and fight as well as I could then. [12] So give me the hill country that the LORD promised me. You will remember that as scouts we found the descendants of Anak living there in great, walled towns. But if the LORD is with me, I will drive them out of the land, just as the LORD said." [13] So Joshua blessed Caleb son of Jephunneh and gave Hebron to him as his portion of land. [14] Hebron still belongs to the descendants of Caleb son of Jephunneh the Kenizzite because he wholeheartedly followed the LORD, the God of Israel. [15] (Previously Hebron had been called Kiriath-arba. It had been named after Arba, a great hero of the descendants of Anak.) And the land had rest from war.

Caleb had strong:

- Community - faith - eg victorian bushfire resilience
- Family
- Work - purpose

Women who delivered israelite babies in Egypt and Moses parents

Exodus 1:11-17, 19-21 NLT
So the Egyptians made the Israelites their slaves. They appointed brutal slave drivers over them, hoping to wear them down with crushing labor. They forced them to build the cities of Pithom and Rameses as supply centers for the king. [12] But the more the Egyptians oppressed them, the more the Israelites multiplied and spread, and the more alarmed the Egyptians became. [13] So the Egyptians worked the people of Israel without mercy. [14] They made their lives bitter, forcing them to mix mortar and make bricks and do all the work in the fields. They were ruthless in all their demands. [15] Then Pharaoh, the king of Egypt, gave this order to the Hebrew midwives, Shiphrah and Puah: [16] "When you help the Hebrew women as they give birth, watch as they deliver. If the baby is a boy, kill him; if it is a girl, let her live." [17] But because the midwives feared God, they refused to obey the king's orders. They allowed the boys to live, too. [19] "The Hebrew women are not like the Egyptian women," the midwives replied. "They are more vigorous and have their babies so quickly that we cannot get there in time." [20] So God was good to the midwives, and the Israelites continued to multiply, growing more and more powerful. [21] And because the midwives feared God, he gave them families of their own.

Exodus 2:1-9 NLT
About this time, a man and woman from the tribe of Levi got married. [2] The woman became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She saw that he was a special baby and kept him hidden for three months. [3] But when she could no longer hide him, she got a basket made of papyrus reeds and waterproofed it with tar and pitch. She put the baby in the basket and laid it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile River. [4] The baby's sister then stood at a distance, watching to see what would happen to him. [5] Soon Pharaoh's daughter came down to bathe in the river, and her attendants walked along the riverbank. When the princess saw the basket among the reeds, she sent her maid to get it for her. [6] When the princess opened it, she saw the baby. The little boy was crying, and she felt sorry for him. "This must be one of the Hebrew children," she said. [7] Then the baby's sister approached the princess. "Should I go and find one of the Hebrew women to nurse the baby for you?" she asked. [8] "Yes, do!" the princess replied. So the girl went and called the baby's mother. [9] "Take this baby and nurse him for me," the princess told the baby's mother. "I will pay you for your help." So the woman took her baby home and nursed him.

This is a great example of bouncing back under difficult circumstances

Again, faith in God's promise is so important.

But lets look at the things Moses' parents did.

Thinking about:

I am
I have
I can

How did they put these to work even when there was a death threat over the life of their baby.

What strengths so we see then using?

E.g. Family Education Community etc

Next week we'll look more closely at the areas of resilience.

* The Resilience Doughnut: The Secret of Strong Adults; combining strengths to thrive - Lyn Worsley, The Resilience Doughnut 2012
* As above
*Praying through the word

She Does

Over the last three weeks we have investigated what it means to be the change in our world.

We are part of a community, a community that loves people and cares about people.

The first week we discussed the nature of change and what that might mean for us personally and corporately.

We've also looked at what it means to love - How are we doing on 1 Cor 4 - our list on love

Love is:
Patient
Kind
Never gives up
Never loses faith
Always hopeful
Endures through every circumstance

Love is not:
Boastful
Proud

This is a great list of how love works.

How are we going on the love scales?

We asked:

What would we like to do more of, to love others more fully?

What areas of loving others do we struggle with?

Last week we discussed what it means to care - looking at the nature of caring and having a heart of compassion that seeks to live a life of kindness and humility; a care for others that prompted an action of some kind - taking a genuine interest in, being concerned for others, taking notice of...

This week we come to "She Does"

What does it mean for us to be a woman that "Does"

This implies action and taking the notion of "She loves" and "She cares" that one step further.

It implies that we are women of action, not merely giving lip service to the idea of loving others but actually showing that we love others by our actions.

This is why 1 John 3:18,19 becomes so important

Dear children, let's not just say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God.

The world sees that we are followers of Jesus by the way we treat each other, and the way we love each other; the world is also looking at how we treat those who are not yet followers of Jesus.

Our actions in this respect will often speak louder than words.

What are we doing, that shows others that we love them, and that we are active in loving them in a way that speaks to them about the love of God?

That's why we gave out the little green book at Love in action, It's why Love in Action is the motto that we choose to live by for Citylife Women.

I never want us to be women who are only loving others by what we say, but also by what we do.

One of the definitions of the word do - (3rd person present indicative of do)  - a verb - a "doing" word
"To be the cause of (good, harm, credit, etc.); bring about; effect  www.dictionary.com

The key thing here is that something actually happens.

When we do something - we are active - as a follower of Jesus - "She Does" means that she is active in something, she is the cause of something - hopefully good - and she brings about something.

To effect something - to make it happen.

What is it that we are making happen in our own lives?

What are we making happen corporately, as a company of women?

I'm challenged by this because I feel like we can often be a lot of talk, great ideas, and good intentions.

But change comes when we do something about the good intentions and make a difference somewhere somehow.

What good intentions do you have?

What good intentions have you actually started? Or carried through to completion?

Ecclesiastes 7:8
Finishing is better than starting. Patience is better than pride.

Genesis 2:2
On the seventh day God finished his work of creation, so he rested from all his work.

What if God had not finished his project of creation??

2 Corinthians Chapters 8 and 9 are often used to encourage us to give.

The context is the offering for the people suffering in Jerusalem - Paul urges the Corinthians to finish what they started.

I think there is a fair amount of human nature in starting well, but struggling to finish well. Sometimes the things of life just seem to get in the way.

A couple of weeks ago we discussed in groups some of those things that hinder us or distract us from getting of with the job. We all have these things that get in the way - I certainly do.

Paul encourages the people to continue to be passionate about giving, to pick up where they had maybe slackened off and to bring to completion, that which they had started.

I'm reading a couple of books on minimalism at the moment and the writer (who has had a typical "climb the corporate ladder" kind of life and found it less than satisfactory) made the point that we so often end up doing things like a career that seem important, but we would probably do better if we did what we were passionate about. He started writing, because that is what he was passionate about.

Now, hopefully they are one and the same thing, but are we actually doing what we are passionate about.

I'm not talking about abandoning everything else - but finding what that something is and using it to build something significant. It may not be prominent - but significance does not need prominence.

Please keep this in mind - because we live in a world where we equate them as one and the same.

So here's a few thoughts:

What are you passionate about?

What projects are left hanging in the balance; or half completed; or not even started?

I want to challenge us today to think about those ideas, good intentions, projects and community action.

What next step is God asking you to take?

Maybe there is a project he is asking you to complete; some people to meet with; something he wants you to start doing that you've been putting off.  

Maybe, there is a half completed project or intention that God is asking you to stop hanging on to.

What is your next step?

Share with someone your next step and when you plan to take it.

We can all encourage each other and help each other to be accountable.

She Cares

She loves, She cares, she does, She is the change

Care

Having a heart of kindness and compassion.

Sometimes we think of care as worry - the cares of the world. But this type of care is about a genuine desire to to see the best done

It is to take a genuine interest in something. 

1 Peter 5:2-3, 6-7 NLT
Care for the flock that God has entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly-not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God. [3] Don't lord it over the people assigned to your care, but lead them by your own good example.

[6] So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. [7] Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

Worries  - cares, anxieties, distractions.

I love this idea that we can give God those things that distract us.

He cares for you - God cares about us.

Matthew 6:28-33 NLT
"And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, [29] yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. [30] And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? [31] "So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?' [32] These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. [33] Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

Matt 25
Those that cared about others were received into the kingdom

The words translated care are often more about action, about what people did.

Matt 27 - those that cared for Jesus - translated from ministered  - served, cared for the poor etc.

To care
to care for, look out for (a thing)
to seek to promote one's interests
caring or providing for

When the word care is used in the Bible the root word is often more about looking out for and taking notice of.

I think this helps us. It says that God is looking out for and taking notice of us, sustaining us, helping us etc.

So to be a woman who cares is to be one who looks out for other people, who takes notice of and a genuine interest in others.

This means that we have to put aside our own interests, cares, worries and distractions to be fully present to be mindful of others and to show genuine interest.

Proverbs 29:7 NLT
The godly care about the rights of the poor; the wicked don't care at all.

The word used for care here is to consider, to think about, know about, learn about the rights of ...

To perceive, find out and discern.

The Proverbs 31 woman looks after her household

She takes a genuine interest in her family, her servants and in the wider community.

She cares about the poor, the needy.

This woman takes a genuine interest.

Luke 6:36 NLT
You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.

Luke 6:35-36 NLT
"Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked. [36] You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.

Luke 7:11-15 NLT
Soon afterward Jesus went with his disciples to the village of Nain, and a large crowd followed him. [12] A funeral procession was coming out as he approached the village gate. The young man who had died was a widow's only son, and a large crowd from the village was with her. [13] When the Lord saw her, his heart overflowed with compassion. "Don't cry!" he said. [14] Then he walked over to the coffin and touched it, and the bearers stopped. "Young man," he said, "I tell you, get up." [15] Then the dead boy sat up and began to talk! And Jesus gave him back to his mother.

Luke 10:30-37 NLT
Jesus replied with a story: "A Jewish man was traveling from Jerusalem down to Jericho, and he was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him up, and left him half dead beside the road. [31] "By chance a priest came along. But when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by. [32] A Temple assistant walked over and looked at him lying there, but he also passed by on the other side. [33] "Then a despised Samaritan came along, and when he saw the man, he felt compassion for him. [34] Going over to him, the Samaritan soothed his wounds with olive oil and wine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. [35] The next day he handed the innkeeper two silver coins, telling him, 'Take care of this man. If his bill runs higher than this, I'll pay you the next time I'm here.' [36] "Now which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by bandits?" Jesus asked. [37] The man replied, "The one who showed him mercy." Then Jesus said, "Yes, now go and do the same."

Luke 15:11-32 NLT
To illustrate the point further, Jesus told them this story: "A man had two sons. [12] The younger son told his father, 'I want my share of your estate now before you die.' So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons. [13] "A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and moved to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money in wild living. [14] About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. [15] He persuaded a local farmer to hire him, and the man sent him into his fields to feed the pigs. [16] The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything. [17] "When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, 'At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! [18] I will go home to my father and say, "Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, [19] and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant."' [20] "So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. [21] His son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.' [22] "But his father said to the servants, 'Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. [23] And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, [24] for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.' So the party began. [25] "Meanwhile, the older son was in the fields working. When he returned home, he heard music and dancing in the house, [26] and he asked one of the servants what was going on. [27] 'Your brother is back,' he was told, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf. We are celebrating because of his safe return.' [28] "The older brother was angry and wouldn't go in. His father came out and begged him, [29] but he replied, 'All these years I've slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. [30] Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!' [31] "His father said to him, 'Look, dear son, you have always stayed by me, and everything I have is yours. [32] We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!'"

Think about these three passages of Scripture.

How does Jesus show genuine care?

What do we learn about genuine interest and care for others from the two parables Jesus told?

How can you apply this to your life?

Who is God challenging you to take a genuine interest in?

"She Loves"

Last week we discussed what it means to be the change and how we can be change agents by speaking up and by making changes in our own lives, by overcoming the things that limit or distract us from making personal changes.

This week we are discussing "She Loves".

How can we increase our love for others?

What does the word of God tel us about how we are to love?

1 John has a great deal to say on love. It's worth a read if you want to get God's heart on love.

Here's some other verses that underscore everything we will discuss today.

Romans 12:9
Don't just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good.

1 John 3:18:20
Little children let us not love by word and by mouth but in deed and in truth. By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our hearts before him. (RSV)
(NLT) Dear Children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.

Romans 5:8
But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

Galatians 5:13-14
For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don't use your freedom to satisfy our sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: "love your neighbour as yourself."

Ephesians 5:2
Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us an offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to god.

Paul goes on to say in Galatians that love is a fruit of the Spirit within us. The more we allow the love of God in pour lives, and allow his Spirit to be at work in us, the more love will become an obvious fruit of our lives.

Jesus anointed by a sinful woman - Luke 7:36-48
We all owe a debt that only Jesus can forgive - in fact he has already paid for the price for it.

We are then encouraged to not have any debts except for the debt to love.

Romans 13:8
Owe nothing to anyone - except for your obligation to love one another. If you love your neighbour, you will fulfil the requirements of God's law.

WE are to love:
Each other
in the way Jesus loves us:
John 13:34-35 - "Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples"

To love others:
(even when it is not easy)
as we love ourselves.
We want to look after ourselves, therefor we choose to obey by loving those around us. 

1 Corinthians 13
Love is:
Patient
Kind
Never gives up
Never loses faith
Always hopeful
Endures through every circumstance

Love is not:
Boastful
Proud

This is a great list of how love works.

How are we going on the love scales?

If we were to measure ourselves, how would we do?

What would you like to do more of, to love others more fully?

What areas of loving others do you struggle with?

2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of lover, power, and self - discipline

Hebrews 10:24
Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works

Our love should prompt us to do good works. We do not receive love because of the good works, rather the good works are a natural outcome of love for God and love for others

Love does not ignore wrongs, love forgives wrongs and does not hold it against people.

Peter says love covers a multitude of sins

1 Peter 4:8
Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.

That does not mean sweeping it under the carpet, it means loving in a way that the wrongs of others do not change how you treat them or how you love them.

Love always wants the best so this means sometimes making hard and difficult decisions because what is best is not always easy.

For those of us who have kids - giving in sometimes seems to be the easy way for peace and quiet, but long term, it is not loving - because love also teaches discipline.

God disciplines us because he loves us, Hebrews 12:6;' we discipline our kids because we love them.

What about other people, well good boundaries help us love in a way that is best for the person.

A simple check. Is this something they could or should be doing for themselves?

If so, maybe it's time to step back a little and let them feel the consequence - this is also love.

What would you like to take away from todays discussion?
What is God speaking to you about?
How will you put that into practice in your life this week?

She is the Change

She Loves, She Cares, She Does, She is the change.

Prov 31 Woman is a great example of a woman who is being the change in here sphere of influence - we will look more at her over the coming weeks.

Was going to start with She Loves, but I think She is the change is the first message. How is she the change - She loves, She cares, She does.

What does it mean to be the change in the world?

We live in a world where there are so many things going on in the world. It's easy to focus on the negative things that are happening - the terrorism, the hatred, the sin we see.

But God calls us to see the world differently - not to ignore what is going on but to see it differently and to react differently.

Roman 4 - God is able to bring the dead to life etc. He is able to make a way where there seems no way.

Romans 4:16-17New Living Translation (NLT)
16 So the promise is received by faith. It is given as a free gift. And we are all certain to receive it, whether or not we live according to the law of Moses, if we have faith like Abraham’s. For Abraham is the father of all who believe. 17 That is what the Scriptures mean when God told him, “I have made you the father of many nations.”[a] This happened because Abraham believed in the God who brings the dead back to life and who creates new things out of nothing.

(Even when there was no reason to hope, Abraham kept on hoping - believing he would become the Father of many nations. For God had said to him, "That's how many descendants you will have!")

We are a community of women, a community of faith, called to trust god in difficult times, to think differently to the world around us and to act according to God's promise and not the external circumstances.

Romans 12:1-2 New Living Translation (NLT)
A Living Sacrifice to God

12 And so, dear brothers and sisters,[a] I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.[b] 2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Behaviour of the world - tends to negative thinking, problems etc.

We are to see the world differently, to get God's perspective and to think differently - we are to think like God does - and to live out of the promise of God. This means making a decision that we will think about the way we think, make necessary changes and step out into what may seem an impossibility.

We are to see the possibilities that God places before us and to be the change to bring Jesus into those situations  - to love, to care, to do.

We are called to live our lives differently to others, not just living each day in a blur (although sometimes this is all we can manage!!) but to live each day with purpose and direction.

Finding God's purpose and direction for our lives leads us on a journey of change.
Change in self
seeing our world differently
changing attitudes

Then embarking on a journey of change that involves productive activity in our environment
pursuing purpose with determination
Stepping out in faith
Living with transition and uncertainty but excitement - no boring days!!

If God has called you to do it, it won't be difficult, it will be impossible (for us) - Christine Cain

But with God, all things are possible.

Definition of Change for our purposes.
Started with  dictionary.com

Change - verb (used without object), changed, changing.                  
10.  to become different:               

11.  to become altered or modified:               

12.  to become transformed or converted (usually followed by into):               

13.  to pass gradually into (usually followed by to or into):

14.  to switch or to make an exchange:              

Change - noun                  
19.  the act or fact of changing; fact of being changed:               
.
20.  a transformation or modification; alteration:               

21.  a variation or deviation:               

22.  the substitution of one thing for another:               

23.  Variety or Novelty
 
24.  the passing from one place, state, form, or phase to another:    

The key thing to be aware of is that change of a situation, or change of self, requires action on our part:
To change a behaviour as we grow in Character
Know what God is asking you to change
Share it with someone to be accountable
Do what you know God is asking you to do
To change a situation as we are able
Learn about the issues related to the situation
Be informed - not just Facebook informed
look for proper papers
Books
Academic writing
Trusted articles
Know what we can do
Do something
Keep learning and doing

2 really practical ways

1. Speak up
Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves.

Be active - what area of life grabs your heart, your passion, your emotion - get involved and speak up when others can't.

Proverbs 31:8-9New Living Translation (NLT)
8 Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves;
    ensure justice for those being crushed.
9 Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless,
    and see that they get justice.

What are you passionate about?

Say something
Ways to say something
Get yourself on the radio - Say it nicely if firmly
Think about what you want to say
learn how to say it well
Write a letter or an email - same rules apply
To the government
Your local member, council etc.
The newspaper
Start a blog

Actually there are lots of ways to say something

Dietrich Bonhoeffer - to remain silent is to be complicit

On April 9,1945, Bonhoeffer was killed at a concentration camp—just a few months after his 39th birthday. But his legacy continues. Even today, 71 years after his death, Bonhoeffer’s life is a challenge to us all to pursue justice even when it’s not popular, to care for and defend the persecuted and to relentlessly follow God’s leading
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/books/12-essential-bonhoeffer-quotes#iSwElMl5wrGWwFfV.99

“Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.” - Dietrich Bonhoeffer
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/books/12-essential-bonhoeffer-quotes#iSwElMl5wrGWwFfV.99

(Find a good example - In Acts, we see the food program for the poor - how can we extend what we are doing to help those around us live more fulfilled lives)

Where might you be able to volunteer your time? Make something

2. Get involved
There are many great causes, that's why it's important to know:
what you are passionate about
what is important to you
What time you can give to it - be realistic
Who you can partner with

God has given each one of us different gifts and talents - we can ignore them or use them - (the choice and the consequences are ours)

What limitations have you placed on yourself that have stopped you from getting involved somewhere?

What distracts you from getting involved somewhere?

Think about what is really important to you. Is this al; so important to someone else? How can we work together and help facilitate speaking up and getting involved?

Conclusion

Being the change isn't meant to be comfortable:
it is meant to be active and proactive
it is meant to make a difference.

Maybe you want to make some personal changes first
go ahead
we will work with you
coach you and encourage you to do so.

(Come see me if this is you and we will facilitate that.)

What is one thing you could do this week to get yourself started on the path of" She is the Change"?

Family Compass

With thanks to Heritage Builders and Focus on the Family

Family compass

What does it mean to have a family compass.

A compass is useful to help guide us on our way, especially if we are entering new territory.

It is a standard of normal, healthy living against which actions, beliefs and attitudes are measured.

For us God's word is our compass. 

Joshua 1:8 NLT
Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do.

Psalm 119:105 NLT
Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light to my path.

A family compass is a tool in our heritage chest that lets us draw an accurate vertical straight line of what is right.

The kids need us to take the task seriously. They need us to clearly establish “normal” in their lives. This means order and rules, of course, as discussed in chapter 7, but it also means setting standards based on God’s rules.

1. Self-worth
Within the first year of life, the fragile worth of a child can be either established or seriously damaged. Nothing supersedes the value of positive affirmation at this point.

It is a major checkpoint along the entire life of your child. Closely aligned with self-worth is personal identity.

Each child had their own personality, talents and gifts. Each has his own personal growth pattern and direction.

We must allow each child to be distinct. Learn his or her personality type, and let each child’s identity survive intact as they enter adulthood. Self-worth and identity checkpoints are vital. Keep them at the family compass.

When you were a child what did your parents do that instilled a positive godly perspective of self-image?

What are we doing to affirm the self worth of our children or those in our sphere of influence?

2. Personal Responsibility
Conscience, character and commitment work together to lead us towards responsibility.

Story:

Of the boy who upended the wheel barrow. He was required to refill it by himself. The outcome - he did it.

His dad quietly said, “He needs to learn responsibility. He needs to accomplish this job alone. He wanted to work, so let him work.”

By his actions in making his boy finish the task without help, Dad was saying, If you start a job, stay with it until it is complete. Don’t make a mess and expect someone else to clean it for you. That was another brick mortared into the wall of his son’s character.

When a child is given some responsibility around the house, it teaches him or her that there is a spot in the family where he or she fits.

Model it
As parents we must model responsibility. Don’t call in to the workplace sick if you aren’t.

This is really important. Our children will model what they see us do and how they see is behave.

How well are wet modelling responsibility?

Teach it.
Tell your child why it is important to take responsibility seriously.

Discuss the consequences of laziness. Instill an appreciation for the work ethic.

Give it.
The best way for a child to learn the discipline of responsibility is to be placed in a responsible position. Chores, caring for pets, and completing paper routes are just

What age appropriate roles or chores can we involve our children in?

A note about delayed Gratification

Self-gratification is not helpful for children long term

A child must learn early to replace the “normal”of instant gratification with the “healthy”of delayed gratification.

E.g studies on delayed gratification.

And as author M. Scott Peck put it, parents have much to do with how well children learn the skill:

For children to develop the capacity to delay gratification, it is necessary for them to have self-disciplined role models, a sense of self-worth, and a degree of trust in the safety of their existence. These “possessions”are ideally acquired through the self-discipline and consistent, genuine caring of their parents; they are the most precious gifts of themselves that mothers and fathers can bequeath.1

3. Spiritual Exploration
Every child will begin to probe for answers to spiritual questions at some stage.

When a child begins to wonder about his spiritual being, he is giving you a natural opportunity to discuss standards, for he is considering his Creator to whom he is accountable.

As parents, we must respond as our child’s spiritual awareness and freely and honestly answer the questions they ask. 

“God has set eternity in the hearts of men” Ecclesiastes 3:11

We are Spiritual beings. Embrace tbe teaching moments.

"With their innocence, children can sense spiritual realities early, and they will ask about them. We must be prepared, both to influence their eternal destiny and to help them see that standards come from God."

We can help our children understand bu using an age appropriate example.

E.g a compass and a magnet. A compass is affected by the magnet but if the compass moved away from the magnet the effect is lessened. This is true with God. If we move away from him we allow him to have less influence in our lives.

4. Sexuality
Human sexuality must be both affirmed and channeled. The home is the most effective and appropriate place for this.

Our role as parents is to be models of a healthy sexual life in the context of lifelong commitment.

Human sexuality is both wonderful and dangerous. Let’s be sure to help our kids understand both aspects.

Both boys and girls will seek their identities partly through their sexuality.

Be ready to help your children accept their developing body and new emotions.

Don’t ignore or become casual about your children’s sexuality. Help them through the times of struggle, and coach them on appropriate behavior.

Teach him or her how to say no when tempted. Let your child know the painful consequences of giving away what belongs only to his future spouse.

A point on family roles
Both parents fulfil important roles in the family. Both fatherhood and motherhood have their own set of demands.

We have a responsibility to fulfil our roles and teach children how to grow into their ow role as adults (and hopefully parents).

What Is Normal?
Establishing  a plumb line depends on the reliability of the family compass.

Having the family compass—the Bible—in our heritage chest will create an accurate and normal standard.

The family compass gives wholeness to life and is a stabilizing influence to a growing child. Anything contrary to the “normal” (Scripture) is abnormal, and should be identified and recognized as such.

Let’s give our children that reliable standard.

Building a Positive Heritage

Family Traditions/Fragrance  (Much of this comes from Heritage Builders  - Focus on the Family Australia)

What is the AROMA of your home?

When we smell an aroma it is usually associated worth some kind of memory positive or negative. What was the aroma of your home as a child? Was it a positive one?

As adults weer have a chance to build a positive legacy and leave our children with a positive memory of a home filled with a good AROMA.

A - Affection
R - Respect
O - Order
M- Merriment
A - Affirmation

Affection
Power of touch

How do we nuture and admonish our children

Nuture
Listenning, positive touch, affectionate names etc

Admonish
Gently helping them to  see blind spots, one on one etc.

Children need to know they are accepted  and loved.

Respect
Respect and worth for the individual

1 Peter 2:17
Honour all. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the King.

Respect can be both entitled and earned.

Entitled - commanded by position
Parents, government positions, spiritually

Note - If we hold a position of entitled resoect this entitled respect should not be misused but taken seriously and with the intent to build a positive outcome.

E.g. command to honour parents, respect those in authority.

Eph 6:2 Honour your father and mother..

Romans 13:1 Submit to those in authority

Earned respect
Comes from what we do.
Our labour, services to others, performance in the family unit.

As patents we can foster respect in our children.

Spiritually  - true value
Emotionally  - sense of security
Socially - a foundation for treating others fairly

Order
Rules - boundaries - consequences - positive and negative

As parents we establish clear boundaries

Write them down and communicate them
Stick to them

Keep the list short and cover the important stuff

Be consistent

Roles
Every member has a role to play
Ensure that tbe roles are clear. Clear roles ate good training grounds

Rights
Each person in the family including children have a right to:
Be listened to
Voice their opinion
Express concern over how they are treated

This is done in a way that values others

Merriment
Establishing fun in the home

Joy and laughter being a family together

Prov 17:22
A merry heart does good like a medicine...

Exercise - butchers paper
5 creative fun ways to spend time as a family

Affirmation
Helping the child build self worth

Prov 15:4 A wholesome tongue is a tree of life

Encouragement  - to keep moving forward - not give up - learn lessons from difficulties

Keys to affirming
Declare the child's identity and place in your heart

Be enthusiastic rather than apathetic

Be engaged in their accomplishments and activities

Family traditions - more on developing these at the workshop

Tradition
Handing down stories, beliefs, customs

Establishes a sense of identity

Ritual

Ceremonial observance  - support the goals of tradition and not the other way around.

Traditions should be reshaped, reformed and refreshed to stay culturally relevant

Purpose - a strong sense of identity in the home

Traditions - a means to an end - reinforce truth - help our kids to love God

Some ideas
The Art of Tradition
Events
Birthdays
Dinners etc
Christmas and Easter

Stories
Photos and family treasures etc
Recalling past places

Basically story telling

E.g. stories handed down from one generation to the next.

My mum is particularly good at this.

Creeds - family or otherwise

Seasonal traditions planner
Note: Our Christmas tradition in our family and why it came about