With thanks to Heritage Builders and Focus on the Family
Family compass
What does it mean to have a family compass.
A compass is useful to help guide us on our way, especially if we are entering new territory.
It is a standard of normal, healthy living against which actions, beliefs and attitudes are measured.
For us God's word is our compass.
Joshua 1:8 NLT
Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do.
Psalm 119:105 NLT
Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light to my path.
A family compass is a tool in our heritage chest that lets us draw an accurate vertical straight line of what is right.
The kids need us to take the task seriously. They need us to clearly establish “normal” in their lives. This means order and rules, of course, as discussed in chapter 7, but it also means setting standards based on God’s rules.
1. Self-worth
Within the first year of life, the fragile worth of a child can be either established or seriously damaged. Nothing supersedes the value of positive affirmation at this point.
It is a major checkpoint along the entire life of your child. Closely aligned with self-worth is personal identity.
Each child had their own personality, talents and gifts. Each has his own personal growth pattern and direction.
We must allow each child to be distinct. Learn his or her personality type, and let each child’s identity survive intact as they enter adulthood. Self-worth and identity checkpoints are vital. Keep them at the family compass.
When you were a child what did your parents do that instilled a positive godly perspective of self-image?
What are we doing to affirm the self worth of our children or those in our sphere of influence?
2. Personal Responsibility
Conscience, character and commitment work together to lead us towards responsibility.
Story:
Of the boy who upended the wheel barrow. He was required to refill it by himself. The outcome - he did it.
His dad quietly said, “He needs to learn responsibility. He needs to accomplish this job alone. He wanted to work, so let him work.”
By his actions in making his boy finish the task without help, Dad was saying, If you start a job, stay with it until it is complete. Don’t make a mess and expect someone else to clean it for you. That was another brick mortared into the wall of his son’s character.
When a child is given some responsibility around the house, it teaches him or her that there is a spot in the family where he or she fits.
Model it
As parents we must model responsibility. Don’t call in to the workplace sick if you aren’t.
This is really important. Our children will model what they see us do and how they see is behave.
How well are wet modelling responsibility?
Teach it.
Tell your child why it is important to take responsibility seriously.
Discuss the consequences of laziness. Instill an appreciation for the work ethic.
Give it.
The best way for a child to learn the discipline of responsibility is to be placed in a responsible position. Chores, caring for pets, and completing paper routes are just
What age appropriate roles or chores can we involve our children in?
A note about delayed Gratification
Self-gratification is not helpful for children long term
A child must learn early to replace the “normal”of instant gratification with the “healthy”of delayed gratification.
E.g studies on delayed gratification.
And as author M. Scott Peck put it, parents have much to do with how well children learn the skill:
For children to develop the capacity to delay gratification, it is necessary for them to have self-disciplined role models, a sense of self-worth, and a degree of trust in the safety of their existence. These “possessions”are ideally acquired through the self-discipline and consistent, genuine caring of their parents; they are the most precious gifts of themselves that mothers and fathers can bequeath.1
3. Spiritual Exploration
Every child will begin to probe for answers to spiritual questions at some stage.
When a child begins to wonder about his spiritual being, he is giving you a natural opportunity to discuss standards, for he is considering his Creator to whom he is accountable.
As parents, we must respond as our child’s spiritual awareness and freely and honestly answer the questions they ask.
“God has set eternity in the hearts of men” Ecclesiastes 3:11
We are Spiritual beings. Embrace tbe teaching moments.
"With their innocence, children can sense spiritual realities early, and they will ask about them. We must be prepared, both to influence their eternal destiny and to help them see that standards come from God."
We can help our children understand bu using an age appropriate example.
E.g a compass and a magnet. A compass is affected by the magnet but if the compass moved away from the magnet the effect is lessened. This is true with God. If we move away from him we allow him to have less influence in our lives.
4. Sexuality
Human sexuality must be both affirmed and channeled. The home is the most effective and appropriate place for this.
Our role as parents is to be models of a healthy sexual life in the context of lifelong commitment.
Human sexuality is both wonderful and dangerous. Let’s be sure to help our kids understand both aspects.
Both boys and girls will seek their identities partly through their sexuality.
Be ready to help your children accept their developing body and new emotions.
Don’t ignore or become casual about your children’s sexuality. Help them through the times of struggle, and coach them on appropriate behavior.
Teach him or her how to say no when tempted. Let your child know the painful consequences of giving away what belongs only to his future spouse.
A point on family roles
Both parents fulfil important roles in the family. Both fatherhood and motherhood have their own set of demands.
We have a responsibility to fulfil our roles and teach children how to grow into their ow role as adults (and hopefully parents).
What Is Normal?
Establishing a plumb line depends on the reliability of the family compass.
Having the family compass—the Bible—in our heritage chest will create an accurate and normal standard.
The family compass gives wholeness to life and is a stabilizing influence to a growing child. Anything contrary to the “normal” (Scripture) is abnormal, and should be identified and recognized as such.
Let’s give our children that reliable standard.
