Life from Titus-2

Last week we looked at the first chapter, including Paul's desire to take the gospel to the gentiles, and Titus's call to finish the work on Crete. We looked at developing Godly charachter and not getting caught up in unhelpful ideas. As we approach chapter two we need to understand something of the background of family life in the Roman world. Ot was very different to ours.

The Romans occupied Crete in 67BC and romanised it. In doing do, the traditional style of communal living and communal sharing transitioned to private ownership, and individual households. Houses contained family groups including servants and may have contained extended family groups. The type of family familiar to the Roman world was very different to how we experience family today

As we continue to look through Titus and to learn from Titus, we have to remember that it was a very different world. Paul writes to Titus giving instructions on how the people in the churches were to live and how they should behave. He goes on to instruct Titus on what to teach various groups of people. In doing so Paul particularly addresses the roles of the older and younger women, and the older and younger men.We all fit in to one or other of those categories, but lets not ignore the rest.

To really understand this we need to understand some of the culture of the day. In the Roman world, there was a marriage contract arranged by families but had no legal force, simply a declaration of intent to live together, or in case of divorce to not live together. The wife was often very young, usually early teens, and was therefore very vulnerable. Her place was not necessarily secure.The husband was usually quite a bit older, was responsible for the public side of the family and had total authority. Women were probably poorly educated if at all and had little experience of the world outside the family home. The male had all the power.

When we look at the role laid down for women here, the cultural context is really important, so what can we learn?

1. Honour God in your world
The way we live and interact with one another, particularly how we relate in families, will either honour God or dishonour him. The older men are to be self controlled, worthy of respect and setting a good example. They are to live wisely and to and to have a strong faith. The older women are to do the same. In fact if we look at these instructions the key thought is honour God.

The servant was to be obedient, because that honoured God and showed his devotion to God. The men were to live wisely because that showed their honour of God. Verse 12 says that we are to live in this evil world with self control, right conduct and devotion to God. The role of the older woman was to help the younger women fulfil their role in a way that honoured God. The older women, were to honour God by the way they lived and they were to show the younger women how to live in a God honouring way, in line with the times and culture of the day; in other words, to honour God in their world.

Lets look at some of the things that the women were to teach that would bring honour to God by right living.

Love their husbands and children: If we remember the cultural context we can see that this is about strengthening the marriage in what was a culture of loosely held together marriages. We can relate well to this. It is good to love each other and it is good to love our children. Both Ephesians and Colossians echo this thought.  Live wisely, be pure, living a life that does not lust after the things of the world, but seeks to serve God,

To take care of their homes: We can get our backs up with this, we don't like the idea of the housewife, we get pictures of being stuck in the home, and for me the idea of the 1950's housewife comes to mind. We need to get that picture out of our heads. This is not what taking care of their homes meant. So what does it mean. Older women, what are we to teach the younger women about honoring God?

In this time, in the home, to be a keeper of the house was more than just doing housework. It involved running the household. It meant that the responsibiity of the wife was to ensure that the entire household ran smoothly. This would have included looking after the servants and ensuring that all of the household, had everything they needed to fulfil their roles.

I wonder if Paul had Prov 31:10-31 in mind as he wrote about these things. Here we see a godly women, being diligent to the task at hand, looking after her household, working and ensuring that everything ran well, but she also had freedom within her role. she had responsibilities to fulfil and she did them with love and grace. In doing so, her husband could fulfil his role well. It was a partnership.

This is the role of the women as Paul would have seen it. The husband was able to trust his wife, he was able to do his job in the city, confident that his wife was able and taking care of the household. The wife had a huge responsibility.  Within the home the women had some power and  were probably responsible for behind the scenes running of the entire household and possibly the business as well. These were not insular hones like we know them. There were lots of people and basically the wife worked in Human Rresource management for the family. This is what the older women were to teach. Girls we have a responsibility to work with and alongside our partners to take care of the affairs of our household, whatever that looks like for us in our world.

Today we might suggest that it includes the role of women who are experienced in business teaching the younger women how to conduct godly business. It might be that the younger women need to learn how to work well with other people in the workplace. In other words this is about teaching people to honour God wherever they are, in whatever cultural context they find themselves, and this will be different for different cultures, different families and different circumstances.

Submission to their husbands is the other curly one for us.  Wives are encouraged to submit to their husbands in Ephesians, Colossians and Titus. It seems that wives often wanted to disrespect their husband, and so Paul addresses the issue, and encourages Titus to teach proper submission in the home. So what does it really mean to submit? Submission was originally a military term that was about various military divisions submitting to a leader to maintain order and take responsibility. It became a civilian term meaning a voluntary attitude of giving in or co-operating with, assuming responsibility for or carrying a load. In other words, the older women were to teach the younger women that it honoured God when they voluntarily co-operated with their husbands and took responsibility for their part of running the household.

What is our responsibility and our part today? In our culture it varies, but the principle is the same; that we work together with one another to carry a load, to take on responsibility, and to ensure the smooth running of the family under godly leadership. When we look at submission this way, we can see that today it may also mean submitting to and co-operating with those who have a leadership role in the workplace, to be responsible with the tasks we have been given and to fulfil our job description. This is what older women are to teach the younger women, but it all revolves around honouring God in your own circle and sphere of influence, wherever you are placed.

What does it mean to honour God where ever you are?

Does the way I live bring honour to God or bring shame on his word?

How can you help another person in your sphere of influence to honour God wherever they are placed at work or at home?

2. Intentional Examples

Be a positive example to others. Paul tells the older women to live in a way that is appropriate for someone serving the Lord. Not only does this honour God, but it sets an example for others to follow. The older women (young women, one day you too will be the older woman - we are all older than someone) are  to set an example by the way they live. They are not to be gossipers or speak evil of others.

Col 4:5
Live wisely among those who are not Christians, and make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be gracious and effective so that you will always have the right answer for everyone.

Those older people in our lives that know all the gossip and are happy to pass it on, good bad or otherwise, are not the example for us to follow. When we are looking for someone to mentor us, lets look for someone who is living appropriately, who is living according to God's purpose and is a good example of what it means to honour God. Older women, we need to check out our lives and make a decision that we will be women who can teach good things to others and set a good and godly example for others

Prov 22:1
Choose a good reputation over great riches, for being held in high esteem is better than having silver or gold.

Determine today to live as a positive role model for younger women. In speaking to the young men, (Titus 2 vs 7), Titus is to be an example of how to live and how to behave.  (See also 2 Cor 8:16-24) Titus was a splendid example of those who bring glory to Christ, doing good deeds, reflecting integrity and seriousness of the teaching and ensuring that the teaching is correct. The context for this is Titus being an example to others, to the people he was leading and specifically the men, but the principle is that someone is watching how we live. We live as examples to others, influencing someone by our lives.

The young people who come into our church are watching how we behave. Our children are watching us. The people we disciple are watching us. Who is watching you? What kind of example are we to those people who look to us for wisdom and understanding? Girls, the younger women are watching us and learning from us. At work, others are watching us and seeing how we behave. What kind of example are we setting for others?

Are we living in a way that is a good example of what it means to honour God and to live life his way?

What attitudes and behaviours might we need to change to start being a positive role model to others?

Conclusion
The reason we are to live this way is because of the grace of God that brings salvation to all. We can live, in Christ, in a way that is totally committed to him, totally committed to doing what is right.

Titus 2 vs 14.
He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us and to make us his very own people, totally committed to doing what is right.

We may not always get it right, but we can determine, that because of what God has done for us, we will live in a way that honours him and is an example to others.

A thought

I've been reading through Galatians and thought I'd share my thoughts with you. Galatians Chapter 4 verse 21 onwards has much to say about God's promise and letting God fulfil his promise, instead of trying to fulfil it by human effort.

Fruit from God's fulfilment is always greater than fruit from human effort. I believe God is reaffirming to us that he is bringing fruitfulness to barren places, and that he will fulfil his promise to us. He is also encouraging us to remember his promise and not try to fulfil it by human effort.

Lets ensure we stay in the promise and not run ourselves ragged by trying to fulfil it ourselves. Of course we have our part to do. There are things that Gods asks us to do, like prayer, staying in his word, loving people, relating to people, and leading people, but we do it in God's strength and not our own.

Love Jill

For Citylife Women - Some thoughts from Isaiah 54:1-2

The Journey, the blessing and the challenge

Isaiah 54
54 “Sing, barren woman,
    you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
    you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
    than of her who has a husband,”
says the Lord.
2 “Enlarge the place of your tent,
    stretch your tent curtains wide,
    do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
    strengthen your stakes.
3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
    your descendants will dispossess nations
    and settle in their desolate cities.

Here are some thoughts on these verses and the meaning behind the words.

Sing: Praise God, celebrate and worship – burst forth with joy. Break out, break forth, burst. This is a spontaneous outpouring of praise to God. Even in the hard and barren times we will praise God, because God is bringing an end to barrenness and is bringing blessing and overflowing.

Children:  The word means sons  or children plural and grandchildren. This is about inheritance in the land. To have a son was about family continuity, about inheritance. Children are a gift and a blessing. We want to think in terms not only of actual children, but spiritual offspring. I believe for us this is a promise that those areas that have been barren will produce children will produce sons will produce an inheritance for the kingdom of God.

Eph 1:17-23
I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit[f] of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. 18 I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, 19 and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength 20 he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, 21 far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. 22 And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, 23 which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

Paul’s prayer was that the Ephesians would understand God’s power and his love and the amazing inheritance we have. We can do the same and pray the eyes of your heart will be enlightened to know the hope that he has called you to, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints; God gives us an inheritance in him and an inheritance of people.

Enlarge: It means to grow to make room – we are to make room for the new things God wants to do in our lives and the life of Citylife Women. We are to make room for the new people God is bringing into our lives.

Are we ready and willing to make room? What do we have to do to enlarge to embrace others, to make room for them?

The standing place is the amount of ground that we have. God is asking us to stretch out and to take more ground.

Tent: dwelling, home, habitation. We are creating a place for God's people.
Extend – stretch forth, spread out: We are to extend forth and stretch put into the place that God has given us. This is our community. This is the ground that God already has for us. Extend out and take that place. This speaks of reaching our community through relationship with people, through service to our community, through love and care for our community. We will together, discover the service that God is asking us to engage, the people he wants us to reach out to.

Curtains:  This is what separates people from one place to another – we are to stretch out, to include more, and to reach more. In the temple when Jesus died, the curtain was ripped in two to show us that there was no longer any barrier to coming into God’s presence. We are to stretch forth so that we include others in the place of God’s presence, so that we don’t make a barrier by placing our curtains to closely in.

Spare not: spare no expense, Do not withhold, do not keep back and keep for ones self- there is a cost involved. This will cost us but it will be worth it to see God’s blessing. Are we willing to spare no expense?

KJV – strengthen your stakes – the word strengthen here means to become firm and strong. God is asking us to strengthen our selves, to become secure in who we are, who we are in him!! Why? Because God is bringing his blessing and he wants us to be ready. We will be bursting at the seams – breaking out of the containment – this will be spiritually and with the number of people. The places in our lives that have been barren will be filled to the fullest and this will be God’s doing. The KJV says on the right and on the left – it actually means in all directions in this context, but the right hand and the left hand referred to the north and the south when facing east!!!! When we face east here the right and the left covers the entire city of Wollongong.

Our descendants will inherit the nations – the lands they will occupy other nations – there are two things in this for us.  To inherit the gentiles – this meant that the people that were outside the kingdom would be part of the inheritance, and the possession of the people of Israel. This is what God is saying to us; our inheritance includes the people not yet in the kingdom. The “sons” the children and the grandchildren will be more than our flesh and blood, they will be people who come into the kingdom because we were willing to grow, to strengthen to worship God and to praise him.

The second thing is that there will be people from Citylife, people who are here now or yet to come, who will go out into the nations on mission and see an inheritance among the other nations of the world. And we get to be a part of that!! Desolate cities will be inhabited; those things in our life that seem desolate and ruined, will again live!!! There is a fresh hope and a new hope for all.

Cities: Aplace of ones awakening is an alternate translation. What “place of waking” feels desolate? What in your life, your family, your city, seems desolate? God says he will make it a place that is inhabited, that is full that is overflowing with blessing. This is exciting stuff. The only question remains – will we do it?

This comes from relationship with one another. As Citylife Women we speak out who we are and who we are becoming. We are confident in our God, we are passionate about his Kingdom and we are committed to his cause.

This is who we are. WE may not feel it but we can begin to speak it out, because this is who we are. This is who God has called us to be. We are all amazing, we are all gifted, we are all blessed and God wants all of us to be a part of what he is doing on the earth and specifically that part of the earth called Wollongong. WE DO IT TOGETHER. WE NEED EVERY PERSON.

Isaiah 54 has so much in it. It tells us that we will not be put to shame or humiliated, there will be no disgrace for us, and the barrenness will never be remembered. It is the blessing and the love that God has for us that is important.The Lord of Heavens armies is on our side!!! Think about how amazing this is. God, the creator; God, the one who is our maker; God, who is the Redeemer the Holy one of Israel; the God of all the earth is on our side.

It talks of God’s love for Israel and though he was angry with them, he loves them and will not turn his face away from them. God promises to rebuild Jerusalem, to make it amazing and beautiful. We have just celebrated Easter and we remember that God shows his great love for us by sending Jesus. God dealt once and for all with our sin, by sending Jesus so that he will not turn his face away from us. We are part of God’s kingdom. We are part of the amazing and beautiful city that God is creating. God has made us secure in him. All the riches of heaven are ours.

Eph 1:3
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.

The enemies that come against us will not win, they will be defeated. Isaiah 54:17says this – No weapon formed against you will succeed.  Jesus has defeated every enemy.

Col 2:13-14
13 When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14 having cancelled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. 15 And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.

God cancelled the record of our sins – it is gone – he nailed it to the cross AND he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities, shaming them publicly on the cross. IT HAS NO POWER OVER US!!

This is going to be a new journey for us; a new way of doing things. When we embark on a journey, there is usually a lot of excitement and sometimes there is hesitation. This is where we apply faith. As we step into the future, we do it in the confidence that we have in God. We do it from a place of a passionate heart and a desire to live God’s way and see people in the kingdom.

We are a community of women. We are an amazing community of women. We have a strength within this community that God is going to use and to grow and to develop. What is community – it is ownership. As we take a healthy ownership of what God is doing amongst us we will see amazing things.

A healthy community cares about each other, challenges ideas and challenges “the norms”. A healthy community remains healthy by accepting everyone, judging no-one and by an over-riding love. We remain healthy by embracing the new, by embracing people and by putting others first.
A community remains healthy by being intentional about what it does, for us this means by being intentional in our relationships, by honouring one another and by loving one another.

As we go out into our communities, as we relate to one another, as we relate to our friends, our family our work colleagues; as we “Be a friend”, as we show God’s love to people by the way we love each other, people will come. As we tell friends about God, they will already see his love and they will come into our community of women.

This is our challenge, but I believe that each one of us has a part to play. Each one of us has a unique sphere of influence, a unique gift within and as we seek to follow God’s leading and his guidance on the journey, each of us will learn how to work together to make this happen. Our attitudes may need adjusting. Our lifestyles will have to reflect God’s way for us to live. The culture we set, the culture we develop guided by the Word of God, will be crucial.

As we embark on the journey, as we draw close to one another and to God, as we gather women along the way, we will see the barren places filled with descendants, the places that were dry and dusty will be filled with love and laughter and a joy that is attractive to other people. How the journey will infold, how we travel will be what we make it, trusting in a good and loving God to guide us. There are many unknowns for us, but we begin with the known and we move out into the unknown with full hearts and our trust and faith firmly planted in God.

Relationships Part 2

Relationships have many aspects. No matter what type of relationships you have, they can be always be developed and grown. But relationships, good relationships don't just happen, they are intentional.

Chances are that if you let a relationship just happen, then it won't be a healthy relationship.

If we are to develop the very best of relationships, then we must be intentional. If you are married then hopefully you will have done marriage preparation of some sort. Those of you married more recently will have done a whole lot on being intentional in relationships. This is because a good marriage doesn't just happen, it actually takes time and effort. The same is true of any relationship.Good relationships take time and effort, they require us to be very deliberate and very intentional in how we develop and grow them.  

Communicate God's way

The key to any good relationship, and to improving the relationships we have is in how well we actually communicate with people. We all communicate in some way. My experience is that the more I see of life, the more I realise that how and what we communicate is really important. Communication is both technique and content. It is not just what we say, it is how we say it and often what we do not say. 

Communication is not just what we say but very importantly, its about how we listen to others. The Bible says be quick to listen. Most of us are so keen to get our own thoughts out that we do not actually listen to others, we cut them off, and we are more interested in ourselves than in the other person.

James 1:19

My dear brothers and sister, be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry. Your anger can never make things right in God's sight.

James 1:26

If you claim to be religious but don't control your tongue, you are just fooling yourself and your religion is useless.

How we speak, what comes out of our mouths has a huge effect on relationships. But how we listen is vital.

James tells us to be quick to listen. What does this mean?

It means: 

To attend to what is being said.

To understand and perceive the sense of what is being said.

To find out and learn and to comprehend.

So to be quick to listen, means to actively listen to another person, to find and and learn, to comprehend what they are actually saying. Listening requires us to fully understand the other person and to make sure we perceive the true sense of what they are saying. This requires us to listen carefully, without forming our own ideas to respond, but to understand first, what the other is saying. (Not just their words, but their body language as well).

James also says be slow to speak. To speak is to articulate, to talk, to use words in order to declare ones mind and disclose ones thoughts. This is where it gets tricky in relationships and in communication. We want to be quick to speak, quick to articulate our own thoughts and ideas so others know what we think. We want to get our ideas across. We want to declare our own mind on something, so much so that in the process of doing so, we don't really listen. We don't allow the other person to finish what they are saying because we want to get our opinion across.

The Bible says, we are to do the opposite of what we want. We are to be slow to speak. When we are slow to speak, we are not consumed with ourselves (this is called selfishness, and self-centredness). In relationships, we are to consider others as well as ourselves. This is what makes a healthy relationship. Whether it be a work relationship or a marriage or amongst friends.

This passage of James also says be slow to get angry because our anger actually doesn't help the situation. The word used here can also mean impulse, agitation and indignation. James says, watch out for these things. Be slow to get angry and agitated and indignant. The tongue is powerful. In James 3:2-12 James goes on to say that if we can control our tongue - if we can control what we say, then we will have no trouble being in control of other aspects of our lives. He says that with our tongue we bless God and we curse people. This is a pretty accurate description of how we often behave. James says, it should not be this way.This is a challenge, because to control our tongue can be difficult.

Jesus said that from the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. If we want Godly communication, we have to check what is in our heart! What is within will come out, especially if pressure is applied. What is defiling your language? What is defiling your heart? Healthy relationships require us to keep a check on ourselves, on what we are allowing within.

1. Guard your heart.

Prov 4:23-26

Above all else guard your heart because it affects everything you do.

Avoid all perverse talk; stay far from corrupt speech.

Look straight ahead and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; then stick to the path and stay safe. Don't get side tracked; keep your feet from following evil.

Keep a check on what your hear and see. It's like a gate. We have an ear and an eye gate. Keep a check on what goes in and out of the gate. Who controls that ear and eye gate? We do!!!

What are you allowing in your ear and eye gate?

What effect is it having on your life, your thoughts, your words, your actions?

Learn to open and shut the gate at the right times. Learn to recognise when something that shouldn't be allowed in has snuck in the gate and kick it out. I have a fence with a gate to keep my dogs in and the neighbours dog out. We have a choice about who we allow to speak into our lives, who we hang out with and what we see.

What changes do you need to make to ensure the right things enter your ear and eye gates?

Phil 4:8-9

And now brothers and sisters, let me say one more thing as I close this letter. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honourable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you have learned from me and heard from me and saw me doing, and the God of peace will be with you.

Paul says, be deliberate in what you think and what you say will reflect it. Think about the following questions. They are useful for us to help us see what we think about most often. What we think about affects what we do, and who we are, so its important to be thinking the right way.

What do I think about?

What thoughts do I need to take captive?

Who will I be accountable to with this?

2. Speak what is right

Proverbs says stay away from perverse speech. If we guard our heart and think about what is right, we will say what is right.

Col 4:6

Let your conversation be gracious and effective so that you will have the right answer for everyone.

Notice the word gracious! Paul encourages us to always have gracious conversations; conversations that build up and enhance, that are effective and positive in people's lives. Gracious conversations arise from a gracious and forgiving heart.Ask yourself:

How gracious is my conversation?

What can I do to have a more gracious attitude that is reflected in my conversation?

Eph 4:29

Don't use foul and abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful. So that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

I think this is an area in relationships that we must be very vigilant about. The Bible is clear about bad language, but our culture is accepting of this. It is now acceptable to use all sorts of language, but we are not to be dictated to by culture or what the world decrees as acceptable. "Everybody does it" is not a valid response or reason. We are to think differently to that. We know Romans 12:2 - don't be dictated to by the customs of the world, don't conform to them but be transformed by God, through the power of his word.

What language do you need to be rid of?

3. Treat others how you would like to be treated.

This is loosely called the Golden Rule. To treat others how you would like to be treated means to speak to others the way you would like to be spoken to; listen to others the way you would like to be listened to; behave towards others the way you would like others to behave towards you.

Matt 7:12

Do to others what you would like them to do for you. This is a summary of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.

We quote this quite blithely. But think about it. This is very powerful. If in every area of our lives we actually treated other people the same way we would like them to treat us, we would have very little issue with people. Jesus says that this verse sums up all the law and the prophets. Everything written in the old testament is summed up by treat others how we would like to be treated.

When it comes to our relationships this is such a key area. How do you want to be treated in your relationships? When it comes to communication, how do you want others to communicate with you? Think about it! Then treat others the same way you would like them to treat you.

Sometimes I think we want others to treat us how we would like to be treated,  but we feel we can treat others how we feel at the time, by judging them and speaking badly about them. I heard recently that we like to judge others by their actions, but ourselves by our intentions. We expect more from others than we expect from ourselves. The Bible says, that how we judge others, is actually how we will be judged!

In Matt 7:1

Stop judging others, and you will not be judged. For others will treat you as you treat them.

Today as we talk about how we communicate with one another, think about how you would like people to talk to and communicate with  you.

How do you want people to communicate with you?

Do you want people to talk to you in the same way you talk to them (or about them)?

Or do you want others to talk to yout the way you would like to be talked to?

If we want people to listen to us, then we are to spend time listening to them.  If we want people to speak nicely to us, then speak nicely to them. 

Be deliberate in putting these things into practise. It will make a world of difference to your relationships.

Relationships Part 1

Relationships

Relationships are something that we all have. They are part of life and part of the fabric of our nation. The relationships can be great or they can be challenging. Some relationships are good for us and others are not. There are many aspects to relationships and over the next few weeks we will look at some of them.

What does the Bible have to say on relationships? Well, quite a lot really. In fact, there is so much on relationship because the whole Bible is really about relationship. Its about God's relationship with people, with Israel, with us. Its about having good relationships with one another, showing us how to live in relationship, how to build relationship and how to share life together well.

1. Relationship with God

We see God in relationship with Adam and Eve in the garden. He had created them and he walked with them in the garden until they messed up and sinned. God removed them from the garden, but his desire for relationship with people was not lost. It is interesting that at this point, the consequence of disobedience to God was that difficulties between men and women began too. The NLT says the woman will desire to control the husband and the husband will want to rule over the woman.

If you remember, this was not God's original plan. God's original plan was for mutual love, affection and equality. Bone from my bone and fresh from my flesh indicates equality, and love and partnership in life. This was God's original plan, and he restored it with Christ, when we became equal partners in the faith, equal before God.

Col 3:10-11
Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him. In this new life, it doesn't matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilised, slave or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in us.
Note well: This is all about relationship. These verses go on to talk about how we are to live in relationship to others - clothed with tenderness, mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, forgiveness and forbearance.

Gal 3:26-29
For you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus And all who have been united with Christ in Baptism have put on the character of Christ, like putting on new clothes. There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus. And now that you belong to Christ, you are true children of Abraham. You are his heirs, and God's promise to Abraham belongs to you.

1 Peter 3:7
In the same way, you husbands must give honour to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life.

God brought restoration to what had been broken. After Adam and Eve we see God relating to mankind through other people, through Abraham and the nation of Israel that came from him and his descendants. We see God walking and talking with Abraham and bringing the promise of relationship with God to him and to the descendants. Finally, the Bible tells us in Galatians, when the time was right, Jesus came into the world, to once and for all bring back relationship with God.

Gal 4:4-6
But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children. And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out "Abba, Father." Now you are no longer a slave but God's own child. And since you are his child, God has made you his heir.

The reason Jesus came into the world was a result of relationship. God wants relationship with us, and so he made a way for us to be brought back into that relationship.

2 Cor 5:17-18a
This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun. And all of this is a gift from God who brought us back to himself through Christ....

God wants relationship with us and that relationship, which started with Adam and Eve and was broken in the garden of Eden, is restored through Christ. Jesus came to repair the relationship, to bring grace and forgiveness to the world. Jesus came so that we could belong in a family, so that we could be in relationship with our heavenly Father, and so that we could have life abundantly. As a result, we can have relationship with God. We are his children, part of his family and placed in his family here on earth.

What does your relationship with God look like?

What would you like it to look like?

How will you address the difference?

We also know that God has placed people in families for relationship and that when families break down, relationships break down. The great thing is that God is a repairer of broken relationships.

In 2 Cor 5:17 He repairs our relationship with him, our relationship with ourselves and our relationships with others. We are created anew. He desires that we be in relationship with one another and that we love those around us so that they will know him. When people don't have their own family, God places them in his family. He places those whose families are not functioning properly into the family of the church, into his family.

Psalm 68:5-6
Father to the fatherless, defender of widows, this is God, whose dwelling is Holy. God places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy. But he makes the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.

God, who is Holy, who is almighty, is a true father, who cares about people. He wants relationship with people, and he wants his people to have a place to belong, so he places them where they can have that relationship, and be with others in a loving family. He will do these things if we will let him. God wants to be in relationship with us, but he will not force relationship on us, he simply says "I love you, I have made a way for you to be in relationship, I have called you to me. Will you come?"

It's as simple as that.

Will you come?

Will you come into the relationship that will make all the difference in your life?

Will you spend time and enjoy his presence, and allow him to live in you and work in you to give you the best life possible?

2. Relationships with people
God calls us into relationship with him then he says "Go and live in relationship with others. Go and show the world what it means to be in relationship with me, by living in loving and caring and encouraging relationships with others, in your families, with your friends at work and in service for others."

2 Cor 5:18
And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him.

Our lives are about relationship with others so that others may know God, and be reconciled to him. But God does more than that. He reconciles us to each other so that we can live in proper relationship with each other. He gives us instructions on how we are to treat others, speak to others and care about others. Jesus said that people would know we are his disciples by the way we love one another. 1 John 4 continues this theme.

1 John4:9,11
God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him.

Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.

An interesting statistic I heard recently is that people are not connecting like they used to. (Disconnected - Andrew Leigh 2011). In fact people are inviting others over into their homes for meals only half as often as they did 10 years ago. People are not building relationships with others as much. People are struggling, we need each other.Sure, we have FaceBook and Twitter and Instagram. We are sharing our lives more with others but we are not necessarily building relationships with others. We know alot about others, but we don't really know them or build relationships with them. Over the next few weeks we will look at what it means to build relationships, what to do when relationships are difficult, and learning to love and forgive others, because relationships are important. Relationships are powerful

Ecclessiastes 4:9-12
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back to back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple braided cord is not easily broken.

Two are better than one, a cord of three is not easily broken. Two people are always better. The Bible says that one can put a thousand to flight, but two can put ten thousand to flight. When there is relationship, there is strength and there is power. I think one of the biggest mistakes we make is to think that we can go it alone, because alone is a very vulnerable place to be. Two people enable each other, two people get more done, more quickly.
Life is about relationship. In fact, when we bring God into our relationships, he brings strength and direction and purpose to them.

We know that small babies need touch and care to keep them going and to keep them alive. We need relationships to keep us going, to keep us alive. God's design was for families where children can grow and be loved in a protected environment. He designed extended families and circles of friends where people could find love and care and a place to belong. In our individualistic society, we sometimes forget how crucial relationships are to our lives and to society in general.

Hebrews 10:23-25
Let us hold tightly without wavering, to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to to keep his promise. Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.

God has placed us in his family, not just for relationship with him, but for relationship with others. Lets encourage one another, by building strong, positve relationships with one another. These relationships are with our fellow Christians and with people not yet part of the family, those that still need reconciling to God. But we have these relationships for a reason. Paul says, keep in relationship, keep meeting together. There is strength being together, there is encouragement from being together, there are things to do together. Paul says, don't neglect your relationships. They are powerful.
When families are strong, we find society is healthy and strong. We have God's family, that provides strength to us, a place of love and a place of safety.

The reason the Bible talks about brothers and sisters in Christ is because that is how our relationships are meant to be: not independent (living in isolation and never relating to anyone) or codependent, (relying on others to do everything, or being in a relationship where you do everything, or a lot for others, because you are caught in a relationship of manipulation and guilt); but interdependent (where healthy people build healthy relstionships, taking responsibility for their own stuff and helping to carry the burdens of others). This is how we relate to one another in a healthy way, where our relationship with Christ is the driving force behind everything we do and where we live in relationship with others, loving caring, challenging and forgiving.

Gal 6:2 -5
Share each others burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important. Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won't need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct.

When it comes to relationships, we are to spend more time on our own stuff than looking at other people's stuff. We live in a culture where other people's stuff is big news and we compare to others all the time. Then we gossip and bitch about others instead of dealing with our own challenges.
Paul says, take responsibility for your own life and stop comparing yourself to everyone else. When we live this way, caring about others instead of comparing with others, we build stronger relationships. Jesus said that before we correct another person, take a good hard look at your own life.

Matt 7:3-5
And why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, "let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye," when you can't see past  the log in your own eye. Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you can see well enough to deal with the speck in your friends eye.

Deal with your own stuff, so that you can truly live in a loving relationship with others, correcting where necessary, but done from the right place. We can all get better at relationships regardless of how good they are already. If you are in difficult relationships, then over the next few weeks, we will learn about what a healthy relationship looks like and what you can do to deal with them, how to make sure we are in right relationship, and how we can deal with our own stuff.

What are your relationships like?

Who are you in relationship with, that you are doing life with?

Are they healthy? If not, what do you think makes them unhealthy?

If they are healthy, what makes them healthy? What can you strengthen in your relationships?

How well are you addressing your own life issues or are you too preoccupied with the the stuff of others?

What would you like to change in your relationships? (Note: this is WHAT, not WHO!, the only who that you can change is you!!!)

We are made for relationship. We are made for healthy relationship. We are created by God to be in relationship with him. We are saved by God to live in relationship with him and to help others to have relationship with him.

Some Thoughts about living well to lead well

These thoughts come from thinking about the influence we have on other people as we go about outpr daily lives. In Titus we read that the grace of God has been revealed bringing salvation for all people. Because of this opportunity of amazing grace we are to turn from godless living (living our own way) and live with self control, right conduct, wisdom and devotion to God. (Titus 2:11-12). As leaders we are to encourage others to live this way. It is therefore very important that we set the right example by our own conduct, as others are watching us. How we live makes a huge difference to the level of impact and leadership we will exercise for good in the lives of others.

In Titus there is a lot of teaching on how we are to live our lives before God and before others. I encourage everyone to read it and meditate on it. People will see and be affected by our behaviour. What type of impact and influence do we wish to leave as our legacy? Will it be one of destructive attitudes and behaviours or one of encouragement, love and grace. As a child, my Mum would say she always knew where I had been because of the trail of toys I dropped and left behind as I moved on. This trail of toys might be acceptable in a small child, but at some stage we have to grow up and learn to take responsibility for our life. Do people know where you have been in someone's life (good or bad)? What kind of legacy have you left?

I think about this in my own life. What kind of legacy am I leaving with others? What impact am I having in their lives? What is the impact of the way I speak, what I do and how I serve? When others follow me, are they always having to clean up the trail of mess I have left behind me, or are they enjoying the benefits of wise words, encouragement and service given with joy? I am challenged by this.

How do we treat those closest to us? What legacy are we leaving our children. I hope its a legacy of faith in God, of love for others and a hope for the future. The truth is that how we live today, the decisions we make today will be adding or subtracting from the legacy. How will it stack up?

I'm challenged by this because it means that each and every day, and every moment of every day, we need to be aware of our behaviour, what we are doing and saying, so that as best as we are able it reflects God in us. This means we must address the issues of our lives, and be prepared to grow and be challenged by others. We must be prepared to listen to other wise and godly people, taking care of who we allow to speak into our lives, so that at all times and in all places we are reflecting Jesus and becoming more and more like him; more and more like the people he created us to be.

This is as true for me as it is for anyone. Lets work together, loving and encouraging one another, so that each day we are becoming who God created us to be, living the way he wants us to live, and doing what he wants us to do. When we do this, we will set a good example for others to follow, and those that come after us will be able to live in a place of relationship, love and encouragement because we went before.

A thought

1 John 1:11 Don't let bad examples influence you.

This is such a powerful Scripture. So often we allow what we call the "cultural norm" to influence what we do, rather than examining the cultural norm in the light of God's word. To remove the toxicity we can look into what God's norm is for our life.

Cultural norms are often about me first, yet Jesus says God's normal, is about others before self, not thinking of ourselves more highly, or less highly, than we ought, but examining ourselves with sober judgement, understanding who we are in God, seeking the wellbeing of others, and seeking to do what is right in God's eyes.

We are to look after ourselves, be balanced in our lives etc. but ultimately, as we seek God's kingdom, his cultural norm, we are to live in a way that reflects his love for others in all things. It's not self focussed egocentric behaviour and attitudes, but God focussed and outwards looking..

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